Sucking the Juice Out of Life

Dear Dr. R. V. Shrink:

When my wife and I bought our motorhome the salesman was our best friend, now he doesn’t even know our name. Our new best friend is the head mechanic at the dealership. I just wanted to camp but my wife wanted the doorbell that played a dozen different tunes, electric steps, push-button awning and a media center that is so hi-tech our TOAD is a Geek Squad VW with two guys in it.  So far we have spent more time on the road looking for RV repair service than fishing. When things aren’t working right I find myself blaming my wife for talking me into all these expensive extras. It has caused a lot of frustration and arguing in our marriage. Am I wrong? Do I need an attitude adjustment? I hate conflict. I just want to go fishing. 

--Broken Down in Biloxi

Dear Broken:

Every rig has its problems. The more toys you have the more problems that come with them. I don’t think you can blame your wife. I have to assume you agreed to all the options you ended up with. She was thinking about options and you where thinking about fishing. You have to work through every relationship problem to a conclusion. As Phyllis Diller always said, “Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.” Clear the air and let your feelings be heard. If you would have practiced this method during the purchase phase of your new adventure you wouldn’t be having to do so much of it now. You have two things going for you. A TOAD (not with two guys in it, I’m sure) and a media center. When things break down, you can easily find a repair video on YouTube, like the RV Doctor, showing you exactly how to fix it. They have everything on there from soup to nuts. Then you can get into your TOAD and go back to the nearest town for parts.  Our motorhome is a 21 year old Class “C” Jayco and we have been broken down twice in the last month due to ignition problems. Instead of fighting, we worked together. We Googled up a YouTube, watched a guy troubleshoot and explain repair procedures for both problems. We then Googled the nearest part store, called to make sure our part was in stock, jumped in the tow car and picked it up. It was an adventure. Stopped for ice cream, made the repair, then my wife went fishin’ (with me). So turn your lemon into lemonade and start sucking the juice out of life.  -- Keep Smilin’, Dr. R.V. Shrink 

She wants to dump. He won't let her. Help!

Dear Dr. R. V. Shrink:
My husband is a bit of a Male Chauvinist Pig. I want to be the total RV woman and he won’t let me dump the septic. He says it wouldn’t look right and that it’s too complicated and messy for me. Can you help me convince him that I am perfectly capable of handling a crappy job like this. It would make me feel whole if I could just add this to my RV resume’. Thanks in advance. --Down in the Dumps in Davenport

Dear Down:

Most people write me because someone is giving them a bunch of crap. You are the first one asking for it. I totally agree with you. He’s a pig and hogging all the slop. I think I should actually be treating your husband. I long distance hike a lot and my wife travels alone in an RV for days and months at a time looking for me (not too hard). She loves to do the dump, and I I love to watch her. She wants me to do it once in awhile, but I tell her, “It just wouldn’t look right!”

 

I am guessing that many of the comments for this post will prove that many couples share this duty. It looks right, it feels right, it just smells bad. It’s not that complicated. If you do something wrong, it’s jump or swim. When traveling in an RV, everyone should share all the duties, even the dirty swirly. Thousands of women traveling alone have mastered this movement.  Remember, Ginger Rogers used to do everything Fred Astaire did, only backwards and in high heels. Stop dancing around this issue. Take the bull by the horns and show him you can pull the plunger just as fluidly as he can.

 

--Keep Smilin‘ Dr. R.V. Shrink  

Budge woes. How can we afford to follow our RV dream?

Dear Dr. R. V. Shrink: 
We have been planning our retirement and mostly full-time RV travel for several years. Everything was on schedule until the bubble burst and the economy tanked. We still want to retire but we lost half our investment savings in the crash. We fired our investment advisor and put what was left in bonds, but our travel budget and dreams are shrinking. We read articles about people working on the road, hosting campgrounds and using various strategies to live the dream. I have a fear of not being able to survive financially on the road. Can you help me overcome this hang-up. --Panic in Pottstown

Dear Panic: 

There are a million ways to retire and another million ways to travel and live full-time in an RV. I kept telling my wife I wanted to retire and she would always say, “You have to have a JOB first!” What a killjoy. I would tell her about an article I read that said, “You only need two things to retire successfully, a spouse and a TV, and they both have to be working.”

I am no financial advisor and do not know your personal situation. I can say, that when you retire, how well you live at home or on the road depends on your lifestyle. To some people roughing it is bad room service. Some people travel ten thousand+ miles per year and others have a few favorite places they drop anchor for months at a time. My wife and I traveled for seven years working three months on, three months off. We always found interesting work, lived on one paycheck and saved the other. After three months we would National Park hop for three more. Made money and many lifetime friends around the country working our various jobs. My point is, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

I would advise you to be careful taking any of the various volunteer positions available to RVers, if you are having a regular financial shortfall. Besides free camping, these jobs make no cents.

Adjust course with your shrinking budget and full steam ahead. The economy will recover if history is any indicator. If you keep thinking you’re shrinking with those low interest bonds, I can still treat you--maybe I can help you be a little patient.

--Keep Smilin', Dr. R.V. Shrink

HE'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!

Dear Dr. R.V. Shrink:

We have just started full-time RVing. There has been a lot more adjustment than I expected. My husband worked in an auto plant in Flint, Mich. for 32 years. Before the industry caved in, and he took a buy out, he was working 60+ hours per week. Then when he was home, most of that time he was sleeping. Now we live in a 30-foot, 5th wheel and he’s awake. I think I still like him, but after 30 years of me running the ship, he now thinks he’s the Captain all of a sudden. When I’m cooking, he’s over my shoulder, when I’m balancing the checkbook, he’s double-checking my math. When I’m doing the laundry, he’s measuring the soap. Bottom line, he’s driving me crazy. I know it’s not right, or normal, but I keep having urges to pull away from the gas pump while he is in paying for the fuel. Can you help me with this stressful transition into a lifestyle we have dreamed about for 25 years.  --Stressed in Stuart, Fla. 

Dear Stressed:
This is one of the most common ailments I deal with in my practice. You must approach it with simple management skills. Being blunt with your husband will only cause resentment. What your husband needs is a job, and he needs to be closely managed without it feeling like supervision. Whether he is handy with tools or not, start finding things wrong with the 5th wheel that you know he could fix if he tried long enough. If there is nothing wrong (fat chance) start breaking stuff. You have to think outside of the box in these situations. You can even make up problems that don’t exist. Those will be the hardest for him to fix and easiest for you to control. You also have to continually think ahead to the next project just encase he actually fixes one. You will find that after a short list of these projects he is going to avoid you like the plague. You will soon represent management to him and he already realizes that the less contact he has with management the happier he is. You will know you’re making progress when he starts putting in a grievance. That’s when you explain to him that domestic engineers have no union protection. --Keep Smilin’, Dr. R.V. Shrink

BIRD FEEDER SYNDROME

Dear Dr. RV Shrink:

My husband and I have been feeding birds for forty years in our backyard. When we sold our home and began living full-time in our travel trailer, we decided one of our favorite past-times could easily continue with a tube feeder and a hummingbird feeder hanging from our window awnings wherever we parked. We get so much enjoyment from the birds that visit our various camping sites. Recently, while visiting Yellowstone National Park, a ranger stopped at our rig and chewed me up one side and down the other for feeding the birds. We were threatened with a ticket and a stiff fine if we did not remove the feeders from our trailer and discontinue feeding the animals in the park. I have complained all the way up the chain of command to the Secretary of the Interior. My husband thinks I should just drop it and move on with my life. Am I over reacting? I’m not stopping traffic feeding bears, I’m simply doing what 50 million other bird feeding enthusiasts do everyday in their backyard. Please help me heal.  

--Busted in Geyser Basin

Dear Busted:

Been there, done that. I can feel your pain. I carry the same scars with me after more than 30 years. A ranger in Rocky Mountain National Park abused me like this in the 70’s, but I was a bit more guilty than you. I had a Droll Yankee tube feeder hanging from the front awning of my Airstream. I also had a clawless, and clueless cat, on the end of a leash, tied to the door knob. Just as the ranger was driving by, Buster came from under the trailer and launched for a grosbeak on the feeder. Thank goodness for me and the grosbeak, Buster came to the end of his rope before reaching his full potential. The ranger was out of his vehicle and all over me like a squirrel on a corn cob before I even knew what was going on. I took the feeder down and every time I saw the ranger coming after that ordeal, I would say to Buster, “Hey, Boo Boo, here comes Ranger Smith!” Buster lived for sixteen years and from that day forward his name was Boo Boo. 

The point I am trying to make here is that from the rangers perspective, it might not be healthy in a National Park setting to be feeding animals in any form or fashion. You can still enjoy your bird feeding, but be careful what jurisdiction you are in. It is very possible that you are now on the Homeland Security Park Service Watch List as a bird feeding risk. Another infraction may cause you more grief than you want to deal with. I agree with your husband. You have to move on. If you are finding this difficult, you might seek professional help in the form of anger management. It is not uncommon for Rv’ers, who have had Park Rangers yell at them, to suffer from agonizing years of flashbacks.  

Another way around strict Government rules, if you chose the path of Civil Disobedience, would be a more subtle form of bird feeding and attraction. Instead of a hummingbird feeder, hang flowers. Instead of offering birds seed, offer them water. Try a slow drip from a hanging milk jug onto a small rock with a depression. This will attract all kinds of animals to your site without attracting too many rangers. Control your stress and your bird feeding urges, or your stress and bird feeding urges will control you. --Keep Smilin’, Dr. R.V. Shrink